i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Say something about gay babies.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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