i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
