She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
