people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
