This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
