My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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