Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
