You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
