Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
