singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
