i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
