You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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