sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
