I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
