remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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