There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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