i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
