You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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