just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
