I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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