You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
