You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
