MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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