The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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