I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
