Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
FUCK WHALES
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
