herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i've created a new STD.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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