North Korea, Best Korea!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
