sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
