we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
