ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
