i may or may not be watching the land before time
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
