32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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