you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
