I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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