3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
