just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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