Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
