Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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