i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
