here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
