I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry about my life...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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