Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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