my mouth tastes like poor choices
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
