How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
