she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
