I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
