Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
