dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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