The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
