Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
