I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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