I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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