I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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