I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm having to shit out rocks
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