you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
