I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
