I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
