That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
