Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When did angry sex become our thing?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
